Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Life in Otisburg

Imagine if you will an exciting scene from the 1978 film Superman...

A very exciting scene...

Underground resident Lex Luthor is discussing the "New West Coast" with Superman, and he has his hapless henchman Otis lay down a placard on a map of North America, replacing old west coast with "New".

"Costa Del Lex, Luthorville, Marina Del Lex, Otisburg..."
"Otisburg?" asks Lex Luthor incredulously, looking down at the poorly-spelled word written in grimey-black crayon.
"Miss Teschmacher, she's got her own place," Otis says.
"It's a little bitty place!"
And Otis is stuck removing the word, and his brief little dream, with a dirty dish towel.

Isn't that an exciting scene?  Or is it dull...D - U - L - L...dull?

Now, just what would Otisburg be like if it exists?  Would it be populated by the elite of the country, run by the best minds our educational system could provide?  Or would it be populated by those whose brains "...can barely generate enough power to keep those legs moving"?  And would it be run by those who think they are smarter than a fifth grader, yet filled with a lot of hot air? 

So, in looking for such a place, one has to look on the internet.  Remember, these guys are too lame to put hammer to nail; they need something requiring no more than a few hours a day sitting around in their underwear in their stale little messy bedrooms while Dad is downstairs shouting obscenities at the television again.  The antenna on the roof needs adjusting, and Dad doesn't have a ladder. 

So, let's call our man in the underwear Otis.  All of the citizens populating Otisburg are named Otis; they gotta match Ned Beatty's character from the a fore-mentioned movie.  Meaning that they have to be nincompoops.  Idiots are welcomed with pomp and ceremony involving a lot of four-letter words; dimwits, halfwits, malcontents, the brain-damaged, the brain-dead, and those persons who tend to see a lot of revolving colors due to casual use of pharmaceuticals legal or otherwise are also welcomed in like-manner.  Those that hate God are worshipped.  Go figure that one out.

And Otisburg has to be dull.  D - U - L - L.  The collection of nincompoops calling themselves Otis has to have a site so dull that flies drop from sheer boredom.  There's a lot of dead flies on the smelly carpet in Otis' bedroom; it's been, what, twelve years since he graduated from high school?  But, Otis is there, in his underwear, plugging away on his keyboard, making Otisburg attractive in his mind only.  Lots of four-letter words in every paragraph.  Four-letter words are standard in Otisburg, in keeping with the intelligence requirements of the site.

And what does the site offer?  Over-kill usage of the word "rational."  Apparently, rational people these days sit around in their underwear banging on keyboards in smelly bedrooms with a lot of dead flies on the floor.  So, Otis is there, writing in his lofty, majestic style which reminds one of another, lofty, majestic work under the collective title Dick and Jane...

"The Book of Ruth is short. Really, really short."

Otis can provide the location of a great many things...

"Dr. Dennett's beard, seen here attached to the person named Daniel Dennett."

Otis can describe Kentucky...

"Kentucky is the world's leading producer of jelly because its horses are fingerlickin' good."

Otis tries his hand at giving advice while making an article look "authoritative"...

"On occasion, you can think better of someone by assuming that, rather than malicious, they are merely stupid."

Otis can describe objects...

"Radio is like television without the amusing graphics. Or an internet that does not require the ability to read and with significantly fewer cat pictures."

Otis can predict the future...

"All the whites are gonna die really soon!"

Otis is an expert in language...

"Dude doesn't know his Latin."

Otis claims to be an expert in history...

"Note also that during the Cold War, ramming or getting rammed by a Commie submarine could have far-reaching political consequences, so both parties tended to whistle innocently and pretend that nothing had happened."

Otis has seen Bigfoot...

"In the Appalachian region, we simply call them "Grandpa gone bad." In spite of their primitive appearance, they are usually fine hands with a homemade still."

And Otis is good at hiding the guilty...

"The Mary Celeste was a merchant ship that disappeared in November 1872 only to turn up intact on December 4th 1872, but with the crew forced to abandon ship after being boarded by Daleks missing."

Yesserie, quite a rational man, Otis is.  You would expect that such a wonderful site as Otisburg would be extremely stellar in the ratings, but, well, this is Otisburg.  No reading ability required.

It's what you get when you have a bunch of nincompoops pretending to have something more in their heads than a half-dozen marbles.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Sam Adams was no deist

Last week a made-for-television advertisement had a little bit of controversy.  Sam Adams - the beer company - had this little ditty:

For all those concerned, Sam Adams - the beer company - left out three little words from the quote they had taken from the Declaration of Independence:

"...that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

The words omitted were "by their Creator".  In a little defense of Sam Adams - the beer company - they were bound by current beer advertizing regulations which prohibit references to God or religion in what they advertize.  This unfortunately has led to many calling for boycotts of Sam Adams - the beer company - in part because of the fact that Sam Adams - the beer company - altered a part of the most important historical document in American history to sell some beer which was, rather ironically, signed by Sam Adams - the patriot.

But that's not the point I am making here.  With the collection of vehemence coming from the right in calling for boycotts of Sam's brew, there was a collection of vehemence from the left, proudly-saying that they would go out and by a six-pack of the stuff.  And in that collection of leftist vehemence, there came the nuts falling from the tree of ignorance.  Sam Adams - the patriot - was a deist.  

Samuel Adams - the patriot

Apparently, the subject of deism is being taught to our kids in school, specifically that nearly all of America's Founding Fathers were deists.  Well, you may wonder, just what is a deist?  Someone who declares God exists, but has no influence in anyone's lives past or present.  In short, they say, "Yeah, but so what?  Who cares.  Big deal.  Get your cats outta my kitchen."  Unfortunately, the liberal left claims deism for the Founding Fathers in a massive effort to downplay their own Christianity while adding more and more bricks to the so-called "wall of separation" of church and state they claim is in the Constitution (it's not).  And the results of their efforts?  Current persecutions of Christians in public, in private, in the military.  Talk about a censoring of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

So, Sam Adams - the patriot - is a deist, they say.  Let's see what Sam - the patriot - has to say about that...

"I . . . [rely] upon the merits of Jesus Christ for a pardon of all my sins."  (Last will and testament)

"The name of the Lord (says the Scripture) is a strong tower; thither the righteous flee and are safe [Proverbs 18:10]. Let us secure His favor and He will lead us through the journey of this life and at length receive us to a better."  (From his "Letters of Delegates to Congress: August 16, 1776-December 31, 1776", Vol. 5)

"I conceive we cannot better express ourselves than by humbly supplicating the Supreme Ruler of the world . . . that the confusions that are and have been among the nations may be overruled by the promoting and speedily bringing in the holy and happy period when the kingdoms of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ may be everywhere established, and the people willingly bow to the scepter of Him who is the Prince of Peace." (Fast Day Proclamation issued by Governor Samuel Adams, Massachusetts, March 20, 1797) 

"...the peaceful and glorious reign of our Divine Redeemer may be known and enjoyed throughout the whole family of mankind."  (A Proclamation For a Day of Public Fasting, Humiliation and Prayer) 

"...we may with one heart and voice humbly implore His gracious and free pardon through Jesus Christ, supplicating His Divine aid . . . [and] above all to cause the religion of Jesus Christ, in its true spirit, to spread far and wide till the whole earth shall be filled with His glory."  (Proclamation for a Day of Fasting and Prayer, March 10, 1793) 

"...with true contrition of heart to confess their sins to God and implore forgiveness through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our Savior."  (Proclamation for a Day of Fasting and Prayer, March 15, 1796)
A deist, they say?  Sam Adams - the patriot - is standing there proudly proclaiming Jesus Christ.  Telling others to follow Jesus Christ.  He's stating Jesus Christ is his Savior and redeemer.  Is that something a deist would do?  I don't think so.  So, is Sam Adams - the patriot - to be believed here, or is it some leftist nutjob who fell out of the tree of ignorance after downing too much of Sam Adams, the beer?

Friday, July 12, 2013

Libs love coat hangers

Liberals are a backwards lot.

Killing innocent children before birth is fine.  Executing death row inmates is not.  This is explained quite clearly in the attitude of one Sarah Slamen, speaking at the Texas Senate Committee on Health and Human Services just a few days ago:

For the record, she is opposed to House Bill 2, which changes some rules regarding an abortion, namely that it will "prohibit abortions in the 20th week of pregnancy, require clinics to meet extensive requirements to certify as surgical centers, further regulate the distribution of abortion-inducing drugs and require doctors to gain admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of an abortion clinic."

Ms. Slamen thinks her rights are being violated, so she's going to move to lib-friendly New York, where they execute unborn kids and don't have a death row for convicted murderers.  Basically put, she's proudly announcing that instead of saying NO all the free sex she wants, she's going to end whatever pregnancies that may happen, and she's bound and determined to end them in a clinic that is less sanitary than the men's john at the local convenience store.

The ironic part about HB2 is that it doesn't end abortions.  Come on, you're a lib woman reading this; you just had a one-nighter with the boys of the band - with mary-janes included - and you want to kill off, er, remove the resulting mistake before the parents find out, right? 

Than what's wrong with finding out that what you're removing is a baby, and not a pile of cells?
Than what is wrong with ensuring you have a bona-fide doctor doing it, and not a quack?
Than what is wrong with having the same standards in an abortion clinic that currently exist in a hospital's emergency room?
Than what is wrong with having a drug tested so thoroughly it could not possibly harm the one taking it?

Seems to me that HB2 is meant for the health and well-being of the woman seeking an abortion, but some people are so dense in their own beliefs that they cannot see the forest for the trees, even if the run head-first into one.  They talk about going back to the back alley, coat hanger days, where the conditions were as unpleasant and unsanitary as...

Well, that's what Ms. Slamen and her ilk are demanding right now.  We should leave the filthy, quack-infested abortion clinics alone.  We should abandon HB2.

Maybe the abortion clinics have former death row inmates on parole, cleaning them every other night.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Big Baby

StuartMcT is a pseudonym.  It's from the language of central-Whinerslavia.  It means "where's my ninny at?"
Mr. McT, on one of his better days.

When you got a clown with a need for a ninny, you have a clown who whines a lot when he cannot get his way.  We get a lot of those people in Conservapedia.  People who demanded we change to suit them; people who whined when their silly little beliefs weren't posted; people who just have to harp on the concept of "debating" us, as if that's going to make everything all better.

We don't debate over facts and truth; we publish them.

So, in comes StuartMcT - he's been here before under one name or another for a couple of years now - and he decides he's going to make a threat.

"(bleep) I warned you what I was going to do if you didn't stop your childish cr4p about telling people to debate Viva while running away from debates yourself. You chose to ignore me. Unlike you, however, when I say I'm going to do something I carry it through. So, as promised, here is the real identity of the mysterious User:(bleep)..."

And what follows is name, address, and a threat to publish a phone number as well.  Which caused me to walk outside to where there's this barn, and I looked inside and noticed some straw was missing, undoubtedly clutched in the grubby paws of Mr. McT.

So, just what is StuartMcT so desperate over?  Why, it's the subject of evolution!  You know that theory, the one where we supposedly came from an amoeba, which turned into a fish, which crawled onto land and became a dinosaur, which turned into oil and enabled a bunch of Haliburton guys to drive around in Bentleys.  That theory.  Never-mind that the subject is based on nothing more than someone's say-so, there are some libs who believe in it so much that not only have they declared it to be a fact, but they will force it on the public as fact anywhere they see fit, including Conservapedia.

And when they don't get their way, why it's pounding fists on the computer desk; it's hair yanked out in frustration; it's heads banging against a wall.  And the demanded debates?  I can see the scenario now, at Mr. McT's home somewhere in Whinerslavia:

"Mommy, that mean'ol man won't do a debate with me!"

I should emphasize the "mommy" part...after all, Mr. McT is a screaming kid at heart.

"MOMMY!!!!  Why won't he debate me?"

Maybe his mommy has had enough; maybe she has some common sense.

"Stuart, it's been nearly thirty years since you last had your diapers changed.  I think it's about time you change them now!"

So, maybe we should find Stuart's address, and send him a care package of fresh diapers, and a ninny for all the time-
outs he needs to have?  I think so!